


Bean There, Done That

by tisfan



Series: Stony Bingo [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Coffee Addict Tony Stark, Coffee Shops, First Dates, M/M, Overheard in NYC, POV Outsider, Twitter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 12:24:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11783112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tisfan/pseuds/tisfan
Summary: Tony and Steve get together for a blind date, set up by Natasha.Unknown to them, the entire conversation is overheard by Alice Epshteyn, a Coffee Shop review blogger with a huge following...





	Bean There, Done That

**Author's Note:**

> For the Cap/Iron Man bingo

 

Alice Epshteyn  
@Alice_schnorr  
_What’s in your cup? Excellent coffee reviews and coffee shop run downs in NYC._  
  
GoAskAlice.about_your_coffee.com  
Joined November 2011 

* * *

 

Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
What makes a coffee shop aesthetic?  
3:15 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
102 Replies  196 Retweets  287 likes  
 

Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
Some people would say, the look and feel of the shop must add in some way to your coffee drinking experience.  
3:16 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
32 Replies   156 Retweets  311 likes  


Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
Is the atmosphere dark and brooding, like their African single-source roast. (feel like this should be in a Batman movie. Very Gotham City.)  
3:18 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
90 Replies   603 Retweets  1297 likes  
 

LEGO Batman ✔ @LEGOBatmanTHEMOVIE  
Replying to @alice_schnorr  
Run like Batman, drive like Batman, DJ like Batman. Drink the coffee like Batman.  
3:18 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · Gotham City  
17 Replies  734 Retweets  1783 likes  


LEGO Batman ✔ @LEGOBatmanTHEMOVIE  
Replying to @alice_schnorr  
Dark. Brooding. Important.  
3:18 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · Gotham City  
10 Replies  832 Retweets  1005 likes  


Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
Replying to @LEGOBatmanTHEMOVIE  
Well, then you’ll like this coffee. Dark, brooding, full of itself.  
3:19 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
6 Replies   78 Retweets  105 likes  


Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
This cafe has something to recommend it; highly toned backside on the brunette in line. You could bounce a quarter off that.  
3:21 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
21 Replies   187 Retweets  211 likes  


Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
Replying to @fem_freak  
I confess, I _am_ objectifying, but you would be, too, if you could see dat ass.  
3:23 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
92 Replies   184 Retweets  300 likes

  
Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
Okay, doing my job now. Kenya AAA, 8/10. Little oily. Brorista gets points for not trying to tell me what to order.  
3:28 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
87 Replies   487 Retweets  506 likes  
  


Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
Replying to @DDoomVDoom  
You know the kind of guy I mean. Little girls can’t order coffee, it’s a big manly drink. I see you with your 10 sugar packets.  
3:32 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
2 Replies   1109 Retweets  1297 likes  


Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
Dat ass sat down across from me. Looks like he’s waiting for someone. Drumming fingers, checking phone. Meet-cute waiting to happen?  
3:33 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
17 Replies   321 Retweets  557 likes  
 

Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
Big and Blond wearing tee two sizes too small. Disguised mouth dropping open as cough. OMG, shop goes up 2 stars for the view!  
3:40 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
37 Replies   544 Retweets  911 likes  


Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
Oooh, it is a first date! I turned off the music, leaving headphones in. This should be interesting!  
3:41 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
101 Replies   448 Retweets  701 likes  


Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
Late coffee, could turn into early dinner? B&B has very open body language, he’s leaning in, one arm on the table.  
3:43 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
75 Replies  499 Retweets  559 likes  


Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
Dat Ass is more casual; leaned back. Complaining about the coffee. Answering all B&B’s questions, but hasn’t asked any of his own.  
3:48 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
35 Replies   532 Retweets  796 likes  
  
  
Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
Oh, a question: Dat Ass shows interest at last! Oh, B&B is an _artist_, isn’t that precious? Contracts out for advertising firms to pay bills.  
3:51 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
49 Replies   521 Retweets  773 likes  


Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
Ooooh! First misstep; Arts&Crafts complains about cold, callous businessmen with no appreciation for art? Dat Ass? Is a CEO.  
3:56 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
32 Replies   529 Retweets  691 likes

  
Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
Mayday Mayday! Date going down in flames! Both of them closed body language now. Arms crossed. You could land an airplane on Dat Ass’s pout.  
4:06 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
259 Replies   549 Retweets  1006 likes  


Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
Arts&Crafts, maybe should not mention that Dat Ass “looks adorable when he’s angry.” That’s like dating 101.  
4:06 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
1093 Replies   796 Retweets  1578 likes  
 

Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
Replying to @dating_101  
Yeah, I hear ya. Everyone needs a list of First Date No-No’s http://www.datingloveandsextips.com/1st-date-conversation/  
4:08 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
302 Replies   1754 Retweets  3697 likes  


Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
Oh, Arts&Crafts is backpedalling. Told anecdote about live-model art class he was in. Good material. Dat Ass is smiling again.  
4:10 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
33 Replies   522 Retweets  773 likes  
 

Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
Replying to @raven_darkholme  
I don’t know what live-model class, he didn’t say. Did you fall off the table while modeling?  
4:11 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
1 Replies   517 Retweets  559 likes  
  
  
Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
Apparently they’re a blind date; mutual friend set them up. Dat Ass is telling long, self-involved story of how mutual and he met.  
4:16 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
34 Replies   533 Retweets  778 likes

  
Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
Replying to @raven_darkholme  
Good, it wasn’t you. Sounds embarrassing!  
4:18 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
2 Replies   559 Retweets   607 likes  


Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
She was his personal assistant. Now she’s junior veep at one of his smaller wholly owned subsidiaries? Nice fast track!  
4:19 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
33 Replies   564 Retweets  787 likes  
  
  
Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
I need a new job! No, no, kidding, kidding, boss. I do not. I love my job. I love my boss. I promise!  
4:22 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
101 Replies   1277 Retweets  1814 likes  


Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
Replying to @coffees_of_the_world  
Thanks for the offer, I’ll utilize it when @Rave_reviews and I sit down for our next salary discussion.  
4:25 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
7 Replies   256 Retweets  599 likes  


Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
Arts&Crafts met their mutual in sky-diving class. He had a Groupon. This guy is precious, Dat Ass, snap him up.  
4:31 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
68 Replies   557 Retweets  601 likes  
  
  
Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
I am now listening to Arts&Crafts explain Groupon to a Fortune 500 CEO?  
4:33 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
42 Replies   531 Retweets  673 likes  


Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
Dude, he doesn’t need to discover new restaurants. He could just _buy one_ if he wanted it.  
4:37 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
83 Replies   576 Retweets  713 likes  


Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
Food preferences. Dat Ass likes schwarma, burgers, and coffee. Arts&Crafts makes a joke about fondue. And roast turkey legs at the fair.  
4:41 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
37 Replies   503 Retweets  740 likes  


Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
Dat Ass made LOTR joke “red meat, right off the bone.” Oh god, nerds in love. They are bonding over Tolkien.  
4:42 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
138 Replies   558 Retweets  689 likes  


Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
Now they are arguing over elves at Helm’s Deep. This could go well, or it could go terribly. Both know the source material.  
4:51 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
220 Replies   1955 Retweets  2109 likes  


Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
My coffee is long gone. My job is done for today. But listening in on this is fascinating.  
5:11 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
501 Replies   328 Retweets  619 likes  


Alice Epshteyn ✔ @alice_schnorr  
Awwww, they’re going to go for date #2. Good luck Dat Ass and Arts&Crafts. Wish I could get a sneak peek at them in a month.  
5:19 PM - Aug 12, 2017 · New York, New York  
375 Replies   556 Retweets  1009 likes


End file.
